things that are true.

Summer salad. #deliciousness

Fri, 24 May 2013 17:07:19 -0400

Summer salad. #deliciousness

new.

Tue, 21 May 2013 15:45:05 -0400

I have a new blog. It is actually a real personal website, because I’m kinda growing out of this forum.

I’ll post occasionally drafts of what I’m working on for my new blog, but most of my stuff will now be on: inkandparchmentskies.com

My dad’s 64th birthday meal. #homemaderisotto...

Mon, 20 May 2013 22:11:22 -0400

My dad’s 64th birthday meal. #homemaderisotto #cakefromscratch #baconwrappedstuffedchickenbreast #deliciousness

identity.

Mon, 20 May 2013 11:36:00 -0400

This is the time of transitions for me. I’ve said more goodbyes in the last month than I can count - I moved across country back to a place I once called home - but I feel like a stranger here.

In some ways, I feel like a stranger to myself. I am no longer a student. I am no longer single (and about to make that permanent in 40 days). I am no longer a young adult (as I enter my mid-twenties in about 2 weeks).

Things that I have always depended on to define me are no longer present: my studies, my permanent friend-zoned-ness (thank god!), my “youth”. For the foreseeable future, there is nothing between me and it.

I once said to a friend who was coping with being out of school that I understood why it was hard for her because she had lived her known life being defined, determined by semesters beginning and semesters ending. And now, she had nothing to gauge the future by.

Now that I am in her same position, I am learning that I could only relate so much. I didn’t understand then that not having something to gauge the future by wasn’t just difficult, it was (for her) and is (for me) downright terrifying.

When a human being faces fear, they have three options: they can flee, fight, or freeze. It is a basic psychological response, and whatever someone chooses in a moment of fear tells a far greater story of their personality, history, and thought process than that one moment.

I am a “freezer”. I stand still in the face of something I fear and hope that it will pass me by and I’ll someone be unscathed. When faced with large oncoming crowds of people, I will, seemingly unconciously, stand absolutely frozen in as much of a fetal position as I can muster while still remaining upright.

Fear paralyzes me. When faced with a massive decision, or event, or transition - my most natural response is to sleep. Because, maybe (my mind thinks), if I sleep, I’ll wake up and everything will be resolved for me.

I know some people who are fighters and some who are flee-ers and their responses may make sense to them, but they do not compute for me. I am, to my core, a conflict avoider, a peacemaker, a person paralyzed by the unknown threat of life without meaning.

But the thing I love most about psychology, about the way God made our minds, is that they are plastic. Not literally so, obviously, but figuratively: they are pliable, flexible; they bend under pressure but don’t break (most of the time). Our minds, our psychology, is able to learn, adapt, change, transform, be renewed.

In Romans 12, there is a verse that has both encouraged and challenged me. It reads:

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

There is much in this verse that begs for exploration. But for me, now, in this moment of constant change and transition, in this time of uncertainty and transforming identity, I feel drawn into the verse’s notion that you don’t have to have it all figured out at once.

Transformation in the scriptures happens in different ways. Sometimes it is gradual - like Peter and his understanding about food purity and sometimes it is all the sudden - like Paul on the road to Damascus. But either way it happens, this verse suggests that transformation is a part of a process. It is a step in the right direction (which incidentally means that it is the opposite of sinning*). It is a necessary step, but it isn’t the end of the story.

Transformation, instead, is the way to understanding, discerning, testing and approving God’s will. But the important thing, for me, in this passage is that understanding takes time: I don’t have to have it all figured out.

That’s the encouragement.

The challenge is that I must not remain frozen, paralyzed with fear. I must “fight the good fight” - leaning into the scriptures and the Spirit so that my mind might be transformed and renewed. I must not conform to my own “natural” pattern of avoidance and denial - hoping life happens to me, and then feeling like a victim when it does. I must claim that I am free to choose a different way.

Sometimes, it seems, that the challenge is also a kind of encouragement too.

I am free to hope in the Lord, to trust in His goodness, to celebrate how He created me, to find and rejoice in the identity He gives me - one that will never change: a beloved daughter of God.

This is the good news - for me, for this moment of time. This is the hope that keeps me singing, dancing, writing, loving.

Buying wedding fabric! Bunting - here we come! #diybride...

Thu, 16 May 2013 17:32:45 -0400

Buying wedding fabric! Bunting - here we come! #diybride #diywedding #becomingtheevans

#tbt that one time I went out on a blind-ish date with this guy....

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:32:45 -0400

#tbt that one time I went out on a blind-ish date with this guy. now we are getting married in less than 45 days… weird.

Making wedding decor! #diybride #diywedding #becomingtheevans

Tue, 14 May 2013 21:39:19 -0400

Making wedding decor! #diybride #diywedding #becomingtheevans

Cleaning out the swamp/stream - watch out… This is the...

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:20:19 -0400

Cleaning out the swamp/stream - watch out… This is the real bridezilla! #becomingtheevans

The real American couple. #becomingtheevans

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:15:41 -0400

The real American couple. #becomingtheevans

Nephew bonding time!

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:22:16 -0400

Nephew bonding time!

Oh, you know, just being photo bombed by a dragon....

Sat, 04 May 2013 19:55:41 -0400

Oh, you know, just being photo bombed by a dragon. #becomingtheevans #roadtrippin

Ways to make Marz happy….. Give her real Californian...

Fri, 03 May 2013 19:36:20 -0400

Ways to make Marz happy….. Give her real Californian Mexican food from a hole in the wall in the desert.

a happy couple on the top of a sand dune in california....

Fri, 03 May 2013 17:19:38 -0400

a happy couple on the top of a sand dune in california. #becomingtheevans #roadtrippin

Remember that one time we got ice cream cones in the middle of...

Fri, 03 May 2013 08:50:30 -0400

Remember that one time we got ice cream cones in the middle of nowhere? Oh wait, that was just two days ago. #tbt #notreally

back road driving. #becomingtheevans #roadtrippin

Fri, 03 May 2013 08:05:58 -0400

back road driving. #becomingtheevans #roadtrippin

finding treasures in an abandoned boom-town in west texas.

Fri, 03 May 2013 08:02:19 -0400

finding treasures in an abandoned boom-town in west texas.

Welcome to the crazy, dirty, beautiful city of New Orleans....

Wed, 01 May 2013 08:09:20 -0400

Welcome to the crazy, dirty, beautiful city of New Orleans. #becomingtheevans #roadtrippin

This is the “this is the 12th hour of traveling today and...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 19:31:25 -0400

This is the “this is the 12th hour of traveling today and I’m tired but excited for New Orleans!” look. #becomingtheevans

Finding beauty in the brokenness.

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:50:32 -0400

Finding beauty in the brokenness.

Taking the back roads through the beautiful south....

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:23:35 -0400

Taking the back roads through the beautiful south. #becomingtheevans